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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27722690">I Should Hate You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikaProcessing/pseuds/MikaProcessing'>MikaProcessing</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 5, Persona 5 Royal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Grief, Letters, M/M, Mourning, Post Engine Room, aka me projecting, akira actually writes up his feelings, well more like one letter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:55:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>551</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27722690</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikaProcessing/pseuds/MikaProcessing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the engine room, Akira writes a letter.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Should Hate You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>ok i wrote this after midnight in a possessed frenzy and now I’m posting it on my phone</p>
<p>please excuse any formatting errors and do not hesitate to point out typos or w/e</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">December 4 20XX</span>
  </b>
</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>When I first met you, all I could really think about was how much of a fake jackass you were. As I’ve gotten to know you, you’ve become a fake, pompous, selfish, <em>wonderful </em>bastard in my eyes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Most of all, you’re a coward.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Sure you can face high stakes without flinching and you have such a high opinion of yourself that isn’t because your ego is inflated but because you’ve fought and scratched and clawed your way to where you are now. It shows when you have something to prove. <strike>You’ve never had to prove anything to us. To </strike><em>me.</em> But when it comes to things that matter you shy away.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>You hide your edges with honey covered words. You hide your feelings in complicated metaphors and analogies that frankly cause my head to spin at the thought. Everything you do is calculated and conniving. You don’t leave a margin for error.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>And above it all, you run away from <em>this.</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Frankly, I’m not really sure what this is. No label really seemed to fit, you know? But you ran. When you had the chance to do something about your shitty situation you decided to appease your self-righteous sense of justice and <em>die</em>.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>I should hate you.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But I don’t. I can’t. No matter how many times we both fuck up because we’re both just two teenagers with too many issues and the weight of the world on our shoulders, I can’t hate you. Even when you tried to kill me. I was crushed. I <em>wanted</em> to hate you. The one brain cell I possessed <em>knew</em> that I should hate you.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But honestly? I think we both have had enough hate in our lives.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>I’m not sure what it is exactly that I feel. I just know it’s not hate. Sure, I want to punch your perfect teeth in and scream and tell you just how <em>stupid </em>I think you are. I sometimes want to shake you and watch you bleed because <em>goddammit</em> Akechi you piss me off.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>At the same time though, I want to see that crooked smile of yours and hear that ugly snort you make when you find something <em>truly</em> funny. I want to see how your eyes sparkle when you talk about Feathermen. I want to see that stupidly smug smile you wear on your face whenever you make a particularly good shot at Billards.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Most of all, I just want <em>you</em>. The good and the bad.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But I can’t. Because you died doing something you probably thought was <em>noble</em> and <em>just</em>. To atone or some bullshit. And now. Now I’ll never get to try to count the freckles on your nose and cheeks. Now I’ll never get to hear you call me an idiot with exasperated fondness again.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>And you know what the worst part of this all is? You probably died thinking nobody cared about you. That nobody was sad to see you gone. Sad to see the <em>real</em> you gone.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>I am. It hurts so fucking much.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>You still have our deal to fulfill too! Fuck you. FUCK YOU. You know what? You better not be dead otherwise I’ll never forgive you. The Akechi Goro I know would NEVER back down from a challenge.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>I’ll hold onto your glove dammit.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hmu on twitter @itsmeyaboymika</p>
<p>i forgot how to link rshtxhhxv</p></blockquote></div></div>
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